England's Eyebrows X Reader
by pastadildos
Summary: It was a lazy Sunday in the streets of Boston and you decided to go to the corner store. On one of the shelves you felt your heart drop in your chest when you saw the world's most heavenly eyebrows in your life! Is this a start to a new love story! New Rating because there's smut in the second chapter! [crackfic]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: TO CLEAR UP THE CONFUSION, YEAH THIS WAS A CRACK FIC I CAN'T BELIEVE SOME OF YOU GUYS THOUGHT OTHERWISE?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, if I did then it would have a lot more memes.**

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It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining bright against the sky. The orange and pink mixed brilliantly while the sun continued to hug the horizon. You had no plans and so made your way to the corner store.

The streets of Boston were usually overwhelming for you but today it was nice and easy. Not a lot of people were out and you failed to see why given how ethereal the weather was. You sighed. You really shouldn't be complaining-no people around just makes your life easier.

As you made your way to the small store filled with literally everything anyone would need, there was the most heavenly sent sight you've ever laid eyes on.

Through the clear windows a pair of bushy eyebrows sat on one of the shelves.

You had become short of breath all of a sudden and you suddenly wished it wasn't so hot. You shook your head. _No, I shouldn't be thinking these things!_ You opened the door, making sure to keep your cool.

You went straight for the eyebrows— they felt all too soft to be nothing but a novelty item. You set it on the desk for the cashier to check out. When you did, he gave you a strange look.

"Um, Miss/Sir, I don't mean to be rude but why did you put a pair of eyebrows in front of me?"

You tilted your head. "These were on your shelves, weren't they?"

He shook his head. "Not that I remember, now if you'll excuse me it looks like you're not buying anything so may I please tend to the next customer?"

You nodded slowly and took the eyebrows away. You had a dazed look in your eyes as you walked out of the store. _So then I guess I can keep these babies for free...Wait, what?! Holy Pringle in a shoebox, I need Jesus!_

You blushed a deep shade of red and brought your hands up to your face. You felt the eyebrows on your cheek and breathed them in. They smelt of vanilla and lemon balm tea.

"Why are you crying, my dear?" A British voice called out.

Your head shot up so quickly you thought you heard a crack in your neck. "Who said that?!" You yelled. Your eyes were as wide as the saucers; there was no one out here but you!

"It was me, love. Look down."

Your eyes traveled to the blonde eyebrows clutched in your hands. You spluttered, "Y-you mean?"

They squirmed a little, tickling your hand. "Yes, it was I, the eyebrows."

You dropped the eyebrows like a hot potato and backed up against a brick wall covered in graffiti. _What the everlasting fuck?!_ You were just about to calm your head down with the thought of being on drugs when you realized that you _don't ever do drugs and you wouldn't ever_.

"Why do you run away," the eyebrows asked, "is it because I am not human?"

You were scared to death now. "No! It's because you're blonde—why do you think?!" You yelled in sarcasm.

"Ah, I see." They spoke. "What if I _were_ human?"

You pondered a bit. What I they _were_ human? Why are you even thinking of such a ridiculous thing? You should be worrying about why the eyebrows are talking at all!

"It doesn't mean you're human right now!"

They scooted closer to you, stopping by your feet. "But I know a way to make it so…" They purred.

You suppressed a shudder at how seductive they sounded. They were a literal pair of eyebrows for heavens' sake!

You mumbled softly, "How so?"

"You just have to fall in love with me in my form at the moment. I'll be awakened partly because of that."

"What about the other part?"

"It comes from a kiss."

You looked at them in confusion. "In your human or eyebrow form?"

"Eyebrow."

_You could be dating a regular, human person right now. Why are you stooping to this level? You're not exactly the _hot_ type but that doesn't mean you should do this to yourself!_

The rational part of your mind was drained out however as the irrational part came into the picture.

_You felt those delicate beauties! Pursue them! They'll be hot as a human! I mean, they're already pretty hot already…_

Your lips felt dry and you willed yourself not to lick them. "I…I accept the challenge. I'll fall in love with you."

You picked them up and they snuggled into your hand. Your heart was beating hard against your chest and it pounded like drums in your ears. Your face was hot and pretty steaming red right now.

"I think you already did." They spoke against your hand. It sent vibrations up your arms and caused you to shudder slightly.

"I d-don't know what you're talking about!"

"Then kiss me."

You looked at the eyebrows with reluctance heavy in your face.

"Are you afraid to admit it?"

You shut your eyes gently and leaned into them. "No…" You whispered. You kissed the eyebrows softly. How you managed to fall in love with a pair of eyebrows you just met went beyond your mind. How you managed to even fall in love with a pair of fucking eyebrows at all went beyond your mind. But you did.

Slowly but surely you felt the hairs slowly turn into soft, moist lips. You opened your eyes and saw a short male with a mess of light blonde hair and emerald eyes.

He awkwardly laughed and rubbed the nape of his neck sheepishly. "Uh, nice to meet you?"

"Eyebrows?"

"Actually, my name is Arthur—Arthur Kirkland."

You inspected him from the tips of his black boots to his shaggy hair. Your eyes locked on the pair of bushy eyebrows latched onto his face.

"Um, hello?" He asked.

You came out of your trance and answered him. "I'm (Y/N)…"

"Oh, lovely name!"

You grinned at him in embarrassment. "Thank you…"

He leaned in close to you and whispered, "I know this is sudden, but I've waited a great deal of time put under a curse—A curse which would only be broken by someone who loved me, truly. Since you had turned me back into a human being, I believe it is you who I am destined to be with."

You went red again and you knew it. You ate up his words like candy and your knees felt like jelly. You wanted to believe that you loved him but if your heart was honest, it wasn't him who you loved.

It was the eyebrows you loved, the delicate blonde eyebrows. The way they felt on your hands was pure bliss, the way they felt against your dry lips had sent shock waves all around your body—even more so than when you had felt those eyebrows turn into human lips.

You moved your face away and stared straight into his eyes.

"I'm sorry to say this, but…"

You placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"I truthfully love your eyebrows rather than you."

His eyes widened and he began choking on the air around him. You grabbed him by his collar and pulled his face closer to yours. You messily kissed his eyebrows, your knees buckled and you were about to fall when you felt the collar disappear.

You looked down shakily and the pair of eyebrows laid flat on the pavement. You felt hot all over and picked them up.

"(Y/N)…"

You brought them to your forehead. "Shh…"

You looked at them with loving eyes. You had never felt love like this ever before. You kissed them again, this time taking into mind how wonderful it felt.

You stayed like that for a long time and the latter didn't seem to find it bad or uncomfortable.

_I really need Jesus…_

And that was the beginning of your beautiful relationship with Arthur's eyebrows.

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**A/N :**

**I hope y'all enjoyed this because I sure did B)**

**This was inspired by that one Tumblr post that was talking about how "England's Eyebrows X Reader" came up in the Google search bar for "England's Eyebrows".**

**WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO?! OTL**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I'm back and this time with even more sin than last time. Someone (****EXCALIBAAAAHRE) ****suggested I do a lemon and honestly, that's just what this fandom needs. Hot, steamy, eyebrow sex. I included both a male and female side to this but both are bottoms because well, I can. This is only the female side and I'll probably do the male side sometime later. Please proceed with caution.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and I really don't think anyone would want me to considering my only contribution to this fandom is this piece of shit.**

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It's been 4 months since you and Arthur's eyebrows have officially dated. You've managed to sustain this relationship with only chaste pecks and innocent cuddling but it was only a matter of time before you started to crave for a more…._intimate_ touch. You, of course, realize that it's impossible to satisfy your thirst when your partner is a fucking pair of eyebrows. That never stopped you from dating them though, so why should it stop you from having sex?

"Honey, are you alright?"

You turned around to see said lover hopping towards you, raised in a worrying manner. You reassured them that you were just fine, deciding to discuss the topic of love making later tonight. If you could go through without it for 4 months, you can surely withstand a few more hours. You somehow sensed that the eyebrows were unconvinced but they didn't pry any further.

You watched as they hopped out of the room before falling on the bed you sat on. You let a deep breath out and stared at the ceiling blankly. _I was supposed to be a normal young girl yet here I am now…_

You rose and grabbed for your laptop. You opened up the Chrome browser and typed out the one question on your mind.

You never would have imagined that _so many people_ apparently needed to know how to have sex with eyebrows too. That is truly amazing.

You scanned the results quickly before stopping on a particular answer. You clicked the link as fast as you could. As you let your eyes soak up every last word, you knew that this was exactly what you've been looking for. You wrote the URL down on a napkin to remember it because apparently you're a dumb fuck who doesn't know how to bookmark shit. After all that information you thought it was only appropriate to let yourself doze off for a little bit. And so you shut your eyes and prayed that tonight would end in your favor.

"Hey, [ur name lol]! I'm home!" Arthur's eyebrows searched the apartment when they found that you weren't in the living room playing some weird ass video game like you usually did, no matter if they were gone or home. "Where could she have gone…?"

They found you lying on the bed with your hand on your closed laptop. As they inched closer, they found a napkin with the words ** tinyurl safe – eyebrow – sex – step – by – step** scrawled on it, without the spaces of course. If the eyebrows had eyes, they would undoubtedly twitch.

"N-no…" The eyebrows turned towards you as you murmured sleepily. "I-it won't…fit…H-hey…Eyebrows aren't supposed to…that way…"

**(A/N: You know what else won't fit? The amount of sins I've committed on a single sheet of paper.** **Unless it was double-sided, maybe.)**

The eyebrows went up to your ear and you felt the soft vibrations of their voice as they whispered, "What won't fit where?"

You quickly opened your eyes, face flushed as red as the Red Sox logo. It was also as red as the blood of all the Yankee fans that send flames because I mentioned this. You should have known this would be brought up in the first chapter. The second paragraph literally had "Boston" in it. "W-what do you mean?"

"You seemed pretty happy in your dream. You very clearly muttered that _something_ wouldn't fit and I was just curious as to what it was."

"U-uh, well I was just thinking about how…um…uh..." You were at a loss for words. How were you supposed to explain your wet dream to your lover?

"I don't suppose this URL has anything to do with it?" SHIT. Now that you think about it, that URL wasn't exactly _conspicuous_… You felt exceedingly uncomfortable. But then again, you're dating a pair of eyebrows so when _aren't_ you uncomfortable. Never. The answer is never.

The eyebrows dropped onto your lap and rubbed themselves on your thighs. You felt their prickly hairs scratching your supple skin but it didn't feel…bad. In fact, it felt pretty nice… They chuckled, "At a loss of words, are we?"

You could've denied the claim but staring down at the eyebrows as they climbed dangerously close to your no-no zone, you simply licked your chapped lips. Boy, September weather sure is dry, huh? At least that's the month I think it is since the last chapter said it was sunny so I just guessed I meant June lmao.

"It's alright, dear," they purred out and holy fuck, they're not just near the no-no zone, they're _on_ the no-no zone and H-OOO-LEY FUCK, YOUR PANTIES ARE COMING OFF. WELL THEN.

"A-are you sure we should be doing this?!" You whimpered, hands struggling to pull your underwear back up. "I mean…we've still got time! I just… I'm not sure this is something we should be doing!"

For a second you thought they would ignore your protests but to your surprise, they stopped moving and returned back to your lap, releasing your undergarments. "Well, love, I'm not going to force you into doing something you don't want to. Like you said, we have all the time in the world to decide and I would wait all my life for you."

You felt your face get hot and suddenly you remembered just how hot those eyebrows can be. I mean, like, what? I don't even know. You reached out and stroked its hairs gently and slowly let a smile adorn your face. "Well, I suppose that is true but," You let your hands wander to the hem of your shirt and pulled it off slowly, letting your breasts breathe again. Ew, just imagine that. Boobs breathing. Anyway. "I'd much rather do 'it' right now."

You can't be too sure but you think that if those eyebrows had a face, they'd be making the smuggest face ever. You wouldn't be mad though. I mean, how could you when oh god, oh god, ohhhh god, they're on your baby-maker again! You were so flustered you barely noticed that you'd been stripped of your panties in record time! And oh, wow, are you glad you shaved because nothing could compare to the feel of those lovely blonde strands tickling at your fully exposed skin.

You felt a breathy chuckle and at this point, you don't even _try_ to comprehend how the fuck that's possible when they're just a pair of eyebrows because, god, if this is how eyebrows feel during sex then you're not sure you'd ever want to fuck a human again. You couldn't stand the restriction of your bra because although it's better with your shirt off, bras are still literal prison for your titties. You unhooked the clasps and let your boobs fall freely from its cage.

The eyebrows explored deeper into your lower region and rub themselves, nudging at your clit ever-so-slightly and it took all of your willpower not to just grab the damn thing and fuck yourself with them. You grabbed a breast in one of your palms, the other gripping at your sheets, and massaged it roughly. You arched your back as you felt one of the pairs slowly make its way into your hoo-ha. It wiggled slightly while inside to test the waters and you are so goddamn lucky this isn't your first time so you won't have to go slowly with this fucker.

After being given the okay, it slid itself deeper into your hole and slid back out and in and out and in and… "Ohhh, fuck!" You felt ashamed for moaning but you couldn't bring yourself to care too much when the other pair was poking at your asshole too.

"Y-you're not thinking of…" Oh, yes, they were. It plunged itself deep into your ass at the same time the other shoved itself into your pussy. "Ahhhh! Oh… my god!" Now both of your hands were gripping at your sheet, fistfuls of white cotton and your teeth were starting to break some skin from biting too hard on your lip.

They plunged in and out repeatedly, and methodically. Not mercifully, of course, but they still had a pattern at least. You felt yourself nearing your end soon and your screams probably said the same but you couldn't exactly think too well when your vagina and ass are being fucked out of your mind. You screamed, "I'm… I think I'm… Ahhhh!"

You gasped for air when you finally released and let your hand fall back onto your stomach. You were breathing hard and you probably looked like a mess but goddamn, you felt on top of the fucking world.

The eyebrows finally exited from both your holes, damp with… well, yeah. Damp. Okay, it's suddenly hitting you what you actually just did. Did you really just? What the fuck is? YOU JUST DID THE DIRTY WITH A PAIR OF EYEBROWS. AND ENJOYED IT.

As you struggled to come to terms with the actuality of your situation, the eyebrows hobbled on over and rested itself on your lap again. "Well, dearie, I have to say. If you ever want to do that again, I would most definitely oblige."

Is it possible to scream your sins away?


End file.
